


Mad to be in Love

by CampbellB1994



Category: Mad to Be Normal (2017), Masters of Sex, Recovery (2007), Takin' Over the Asylum
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Brain Damage, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Dubious Consent, Healthy Relationships, Injury Recovery, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Physical Therapy, Unhealthy Relationships, learning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:20:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 15,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CampbellB1994/pseuds/CampbellB1994
Summary: Alan Hamilton has recently gone through a divorce and is struggling to adapt to his new life with a brain injury and living alone. A new psychologist steps into his life with the intention of doing more than just helping him recover.
Relationships: Alan Hamilton/R.D Laing, Campbell Bain/William Masters
Comments: 150
Kudos: 12





	1. Numbers and Lists

“Right, Alan is it?” Ronnie sits down at his desk after leading the man into his room. “Yeah it is.” He shuffles in his seat a little, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the desk. “So I’ve read through your file. How are you doing living on your own?” Ronnie grabs a pen from his pen pot and rests it against the notepad. “Haven’t burnt it down yet.” Alan chuckles, before looking back to Ronnie again. “But generally?” Ronnie looks up to the man. “I’ve still got my sequence sheets from uh my ex wife. So I’ve been keeping to them. Still not able to work but I’ve got a little bit of a schedule.” Alan explains, leaning back in his chair with a sigh. “Sorry um who are you?” He asks, tapping his hand against the chair arm. “I’m R.D Laing but call me Ronnie. My job is to get you through the rehab process and hopefully find a way of getting you back into some kind of job.” Ronnie explains, Alan nodding before looking around the room a bit. “And do you still have an agent from the brain injury association coming once a week?” Alan nods, looking out the window. “So if I’m getting the calendar right.” Ronnie flicks to a page in his file. “You have a meeting with the physiotherapist on Monday just to see about that stiffness you’ve been getting in the movements in your hand. And then the occupational therapist on Wednesday. I’ll give you my number. If you need anything. Anything at all, don't hesitate to call.” 

Alan looks around his room as there is a beeping sound coming from the box by the side of his bed. The red numbers showed ‘7:30’. “What is that?” Alan sits up from his bed looking around before finding a button, pushing it down and stopping the beeping. He spots a bit of paper next to the… the circ-clock, alarm clock. “Get dressed, clothes on desk.” He reads, pulling himself up and out of bed. “Clothes, clothes?” Alan looks around, brushing his hands over the soft material of his clothes that he finds on the desk. “Okay, get dressed.” He says to himself, pulling off his vest top and discarding it on the bed along with his pyjama bottoms which he pulls off next. “Foxes, no! Boxes… boxers.” He picks them up pulling them on quickly followed by the jeans. He slides his hands up and through the arms of his t-shirt pulling it over himself, toying his fingers in the material of the hoodie that lay left on the desk. “Breakfast.” He looks up as he feels his stomach rumble, the hoodie being discarded on the floor as he drops it to leave the room. He feels a shiver run through him as he walks downstairs and into the kitchen, the cold tiles freezing the bottom of his feet. “Spillers?” He looks around slipping his feet into his slippers. 

Alan moves his finger down the bit of paper of the cupboard door. “Boil kettle, get mug, get tea bag, put tea bag in cup.” He reads a few times over before he nods to himself. “Right.” Alan leans down to flick the kettle on before opening the cupboard grabbing the mug and tea bag. He steps over to the second list. “Grab bread slices, put in a toaster, push down.” He nods again, rustling through the cupboard before grabbing some bread and putting it in the toaster and pushing the lever down. He hears the kettle click making him move over to grab it. “Pour water over tea bag.” He reads, reminding himself as he starts to pour the boiling liquid. Alan smiles to himself, he was starting to get used to all this stuff, when the doorbell rings distracting him. He looks over to the door, hand with the kettle moving with the rest of his body leaving the boiling water to be poured onto his other hand. “Fuck!” Alan exclaims, dropping the kettle onto the floor. “Shit!” He shouts watching pieces of the kettle and water fly all over the kitchen floor. He stumbles over to the fridge looking over the several bits of paper full of numbers looking for one in particular. Ronnie’s.


	2. Blur of Activity

“Sir! Are you able to get to the door?” Alan curls into himself as he hears the policeman shout from outside. “Are you hurt?” Alan nods, rocking back and forth. “I didn’t call you!” Alan shouts out as the door is opened with a spare key from the neighbour. “Mr Hamilton, where are you?” Alan looks around. “The kitten, no cooking.” Alan sighs, his head feeling as if it were pounding. There were footsteps coming up near him, he opened his eyes to see the policeman’s black boots. “Get he-awake-away.” Alan cries, everything got worse when he was stressed. “Can we help you sir? We need to get you to a safe place.” The policeman explains, trying to reach out to the man. “Ronnie. I fall- called him. Didn’t I?” Alan starts to panic. “Didn’t I?” He feels a panic fall down his cheek. “Come with me Alan.” The police rests a hand on the man’s shoulder. “We will get in touch with Ronnie.” The police officer helps Alan to the sofa. “My phone?” The man looks around a little panicked. “It’s in your hand.” The policeman points out, pointing to it. Alan turns it on looking through his previous phone calls and couldn’t see Ronnie on the list but instead. “Tricia. Fuck.” 

Alan didn’t need to be here, he looked around the police station and cursed at himself. “Let me go home.” Alan says, looking around to try and find a policeman in the blur of activity. Alan stands up from the chair, stumbling around the building. “Excuse me, are you?” He holds onto the woman's arm. “Which way out?” Alan feels a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s sit back down now.” Alan turns, it was the same person from the house; he thinks? “I can go home. I was just making breakfast.” Alan looks around to try and find the door. “Sir, let’s go and sit down. We are trying to find a contact number for someone who can safely take you home.” Alan sighs, sitting down on the chair. “It’ll take you a while. I have nobody.” The police officer nods, walking off back into the blur of activity. He lost track of how long he had been at the station. There was too much going on, he couldn’t focus on one thing. “Here’s some food. We are going to send you off to the hospital. They can look after you better.” A police woman says, passing him a sandwich. “I don’t need the hospital. Let me go home.” The woman smiles gently at him before leaving back into the blur of activity again. 

“Alan, I’m sorry all this happened. Let’s see if we can get all this figured out.” Ronnie sits down opposite Alan. “I was just trying to make breakfast.” Alan says, going over everything in his head again. “I know, should we talk through what happened?” Ronnie asks, Alan was looking around the room. “I need to go home. My toast is brok-burnt.” Ronnie puts his pen down. “Did you use your sequence sheet this morning?” Alan nods, trying to reach for the pen. “There you go.” Alan starts scribbling something on the bit of paper. “What do you think got you off sequence?” Ronnie asks, Alan seeming to not write anything down but instead carrying on a continuous line. “The door, hitting on the door. I burnt myself.” Ronnie only just notices the bandage around his hand. “One of the women, the nurses.” Alan moves the bit of paper over the desk to Ronnie. “I did a bad thing.” Ronnie takes a look at the sketch on the paper but couldn’t see anything in it. “What bad thing?” Ronnie leans forward, taking the pen back from Alan. “I carried my ex. Wait no.” Alan hits a hand against his head. “Relax, take a breath and try again.” Alan takes a shaky breath before looking back at Ronnie. “I call. Called my ex wife.” Ronnie taps his hand on Alan’s hand. “We will work this out.” 


	3. Take A Breath

“This is a good opportunity to catch up and for me to get to know you.” Ronnie looks at both of them. “Well I guess it’s good to see you are alive after the call I got the other day.” Trisha says, looking over to Alan. “Got quite a burn though.” He lifts his hand, looking to see that Trisha just looks away. “I think that it would be helpful to talk through the experience that led to your separation.” Ronnie suggests looking over to Alan who seemed a little uncomfortable. “It’s my fault.” He says, after some thought. “It wasn’t.” Trishia reassures quickly, turning to look at each other again. “It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t choose to get hit by a truck.” She adds, Ronnie nodding. “You're not your injury.” Ronnie says, touching his foot to the man’s and hoping that Trisha wouldn’t notice. “Let’s get rid of fault and instead talk about what happened.” Ronnie tries to lead the conversation back to the point. “Well it was a series of events, similar events. It just seemed to get worse by the day.” Alan clears his throat. “Alan wasn’t a father anymore, he wasn’t a husband anymore.” Trisha starts. “It was like living in a house with a stranger, a ghost of who he used to be.” Ronnie looks up to Alan who seemed quite uncomfortable. “Okay, we can stop for now.” Ronnie interjects. 

“Do you see why calling my ex wife was so…” Alan searches for a word but gives up and looks back over to Ronnie. “She was wrong, it was my fault. Everyone likes to say it is not but I still have a brain, I still have thoughts.” Alan looks down at his shaking hands. “Somewhere in this messed up brain, I made the decision to do those things to her, to our family.” He hits his hand against his head, feeling Ronnie grab it and pull it away. “Don’t do that. Please don’t.” Ronnie tells him, interlacing their fingers. “Don’t hurt yourself, don’t blame yourself, don’t become another statistic.” Ronnie tells him, looking Alan in the eyes. “I blame myself everyday for everything I’ve done since the accident.” Alan became very aware of the warmth he was getting from the contact he had with Ronnie. “I sometimes remember what I was like before the accident and I don’t understand how I’m not like that anymore. Where is that man?” Alan’s lip trembles. “Why can’t I be him anymore?” He drops his head to the desk, Ronnie’s hand sending a pulse through their connected hands, a strangely comforting feeling that made him cry more. “It’s alright. You can cry.” Ronnie moves out of chair and kneels by Alan. “It’s okay to feel this way.”

Ronnie felt bad just dropping Alan off at his house after all this. “I’ve put myself as an emergency number in your contacts, if anything happens they will call me now.” Alan nods, putting his phone into his pocket. “Do you want to come in for some tea?” Ronnie looks to his watch before shrugging. “A cup of tea can’t hurt.” Ronnie smiles following Alan into his house. “They hooked me up with this new kettle after the incident.” Alan swallows, looking over to a list on the cupboard and following the instructions. Ronnie was a bit overwhelmed at first, he knew that patients were told to use sequence sheets but seeing them posted up everywhere seemed a little excessive. He moves into the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen table. Alan was muttering the instructions to himself, hesitating a little when it came to the part where he had to pick up the kettle. “It’s okay.” Ronnie stands up from the table. “Take a breath.” Alan shivers as he feels Ronnie’s arm slide around his waist and onto the man’s chest. “Deep breath.” Ronnie says, smiling as he feels Alan’s chest move up and down. “Now pick up the kettle.” Ronnie whispers, seeing Alan’s shaky hand reach for the kettle. 


	4. Close Contact, Light Touches

“I don’t know what, there’s this new feeling.” Alan looks to Ronnie who puts his mug of tea down. “Can you explain it?” Ronnie asks, leaning forward slightly so that he could rest his hand on top of Alan. “It’s like there's this warmth, like butterflies just fluttering around about here.” Alan motions to his stomach. “And I feel like I’m drunk, it’s like I’m drowsy but in a good way?” Alan explains, Ronnie could feel the man’s sweaty hand under his. “That’s nothing to worry about. This new feeling is love. You’re in love.” Alan looks up at Ronnie. “It’s not the same as before. With Trisha.” Alan’s voice is shaky, his eyes flick between Ronnie’s. “Well it’s the same as everything, your brain is learning how to do things again. It’ll be different because your brain is different.” Ronnie explains, sliding his foot on top of the man’s again. “Ronnie?” Alan asks, biting his lip. “Yeah Alan?” The man swallows before turning his hand in Ronnie’s. “I feel this way when I’m around you.” Ronnie nods. “I know Alan, it’s okay to feel this way.” Ronnie stands, encouraging Alan to as well. “Don’t ignore your feelings, they are there for a reason.” Ronnie whispers, sliding a hand to Alan’s back, the two men looking into each other's eyes. “How does this make you feel?” Ronnie asks, his lips brushing past Alan’s as he talks. “Good.” Alan says, a shiver running up his spine. Alan looks down as his phone goes off, breaking the two of them apart. 

Ronnie had left shortly after Alan had answered the phone, the man felt that he missed out on something. He felt upset because it seemed that Ronnie was upset when he left, like Alan did something wrong by answering the phone. An alarm went off, it was a reminder to tell him to cook dinner but he didn’t feel like eating. There was a swirling feeling in his stomach, something that made him feel sick and it came about as soon as he watched Ronnie leave. He sits down on the sofa, looking at the TV which was just the news but he stared at it anyway. The alarm went off again, blaring at him to eat. “Shut up!” He shouts, leaning forward and into himself, he wanted to feel the way he did with Ronnie. He moves to stand up and slumps over to the kitchen, pausing at the dining table and closes his eyes. He rests a hand onto his lower back but the shiver doesn’t happen like it did with Ronnie. “Come on.” Alan curses, trying to think back to everything that he felt with Ronnie; the warmth in his stomach, how his mouth dried up and his heart tried to beat out of his chest. But it didn’t come back, he needed Ronnie to make him feel that way again. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, turning it on silent so that he wouldn’t let Ronnie down again. 

Ronnie sits down at his home desk, picking up Alan’s file with the intention of finding out everything he needed to know about him. “Let’s see.” Ronnie muttered to himself, grabbing a notebook and starting to write down some notes, tapping his foot on top of the other. He thought back to how he left Alan; there was definitely something between them, the man picked up all of the signs of attraction. Ronnie knew what Alan wanted even if the other man didn’t. Alan just needed a push to get his feelings to surface, the push that came from close contact and light touches. He looked over to the flashing of his phone screen, Alan was calling him. “Hello?” The man picks up the phone, putting down his pen. “I need help, can you tell me what to do?” Alan asks, his tone seemed a little off. “It’s okay, what’s wrong?” Ronnie sits up from his chair to get up and grabs a drink from the fridge. “How do I make myself feel the way you make me feel?” Alan’s voice came through the phone, needily. “Where are you in your house?” Ronnie waits, hearing Alan move around before answering. “I’m in the kitchen, by the table.” Alan answers, making Ronnie nod. “Close your eyes, put the phone down and just wait until I get there.” 


	5. Trust is Good

“Ronnie?” Alan calls out when he hears the door go, it had to be him as he was the only one who knew where the spare key was. “Don’t speak.” Ronnie says. “Keep your eyes closed, don’t move.” The man instructs, Alan could hear that he was coming closer. “Take a breath.” Alan takes a deep breath in, exhaling it far too early when he feels Ronnie’s hand on his chest. “Try again, breathe in.” Alan follows Ronnie’s instructions, taking a deep inhale. “Hold it.” Ronnie tiptoes his fingers down Alan’s chest, feeling the ripple of energy going through the other man. “You feel that?” Ronnie asks, smiling as the man nods. “That energy in your chest, that’s what makes you strong. Okay let go of that breath.” Alan’s body trembles slightly as he lets it out. “Ron-.” Alan starts but Ronnie stops him. “Listen to me.” He whispers hearing the man whimper as Ronnie slides a hand under his shirt. “Do you trust me?” Ronnie can feel the man swallow, biting his lip before he nods. “Good.” Ronnie leans forward, lips barely touching Alan’s but he could feel the power he had over the other man already. “Trust is good.” Ronnie says before connecting their lips, keeping his hand on Alan’s chest as he feels him kiss back.

“Careful when you open your eyes, it’ll be bright.” Ronnie warns, holding a hand in front of Alan’s face as he opens his eyes. “That’s it. Drink this.” Ronnie holds out a glass of water to Alan. “How do you feel?” Alan shrugs looking around the room. “Hey, it’s okay. Look at me.” Alan nods, his head flicking back to the scot. “How do you feel?” Alan tries to look away again but Ronnie keeps a hold of his chin. “Don’t overthink it. Don’t ignore your feelings.” Alan nods, taking a breath. “I feel… drowsy. Like I can’t quite keep my eyes focused. I can’t keep up with the information I’m getting.” Ronnie nods, humming at the man and shifting to sit next to him on the sofa, resting a hand on the man’s back. “Have you eaten?” Alan shakes his head. “I was going to… but that’s when I called you instead.” Alan answers, looking to the kitchen. “I didn’t want to get distracted again. Hurt myself.” Ronnie stands up. “I’ll cook you something, why don’t you lay down and take a nap. You must be exhausted.” Alan nods, laying down on the sofa. “That’s good, take a nap.” Ronnie smiles down at him before moving over to the kitchen. “Ronnie?” He turns to look over to the man again. “Go to sleep now, we can talk more when you’re awake.” 

Alan wakes up with a groan, looking around the room starting to panic before his eyes hit Ronnie plating up some food. “Good timing, was about to wake you up. You looked so peaceful though, didn’t want to disturb.” Ronnie places some plates down on the table. “Nice warm meal will help you out. I’ll stay the night.” Alan nods sitting up and pulling himself up and over to the table. “Stay the night?” Alan asks as he sits down picking up the fork. “Well with you feeling all disorientated, wouldn’t want you hurting yourself again.” Ronnie slides a hand onto Alan’s burnt but recovering one. “Has this been checked since that day?” Alan shakes his head, mouth full of food. “After you’ve eaten I’ll check that. You’ve got a first aid kit?” Alan nods, looking back down at his plate. “Where are your meds? I searched the cupboards but couldn’t find them.” Ronnie points out, gesturing to the kitchen. “In my rucksack, little pocket at the front.” Alan says, his tone suggests that he’s a little out of it, that he’s had to rattle out this information on more than one occasion. “Good, you mustn’t forget these.” Ronnie stands up, gathering the pill pockets before moving back to the table. “I’m going to look after you now Alan.” Ronnie reassures, turning the man’s hand over and popping the pills into the palm, leaning back as he watches the man take his meds. 


	6. Don't Be Embarrassed

“Ronnie.” Alan sighs, looking over at the man who was watching him brush his teeth. “Get rid of the toothpaste.” Ronnie says, Alan spits out the toothpaste before turning to look at Ronnie. “Where will you sleep? The sofa isn’t that comfy.” Ronnie leans forward to wipe some toothpaste off of the man’s mouth. “I’ll sleep in the bed with you, won’t I? It’ll be easier if I’m nearer.” Ronnie nods, Alan nodding in turn with him. “Yeah it will be. It gets worse at night, when I’m tired.” Ronnie notes that in his mind, resting his hands on the man’s hips. “Let’s get you to bed then.” Alan nods, letting the man walk him back to the bed. “Lay down, I’ll be up a little later. Just want to wash up from dinner.” Alan tries to sit up but Ronnie rests a hand on his chest. “Lay down, I’ll be up in a bit.” Ronnie kisses the man’s forehead waiting until Alan lays under the covers before he leaves. Alan’s eyes tracked over to the door closing, he felt a little strange. It was a good thing to have help again but this was so much more than what help Trisha gave him. His head was pounding from the confusion. Was Trisia just really bad at helping or was Ronnie helping him too much?

“Move over a tad.” Ronnie mutters a while later, Alan was trying to stay awake so that he could talk to the man about his thoughts but the man had been over an hour. “Can we talk?” Alan says through a yawn. “It’s late, we can talk in the morning.” Ronnie says, rolling to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling whilst Alan rolled to face the door. “That’s it.” Ronnie whispers, rubbing the man’s back, seeing how he tensed a little. “Relax. You’re okay.” Alan mutters something, turning over and wrapping an arm around Ronnie’s waist. “I’m right here.” Ronnie rests a hand on Alan’s back. “Relax.” Ronnie says, their legs intertwining together. “Ronnie?” Alan looks up from where his head was resting on the man’s chest. “Alan, you’ll feel better once you sleep.” Alan rolls onto his front, resting his chin on Ronnie’s chest. “Ronnie, I need help.” Alan says, feeling the twisting in his stomach, his heartbeat was getting faster and he felt sweaty and hot. “Sleep will help.” Ronnie tries to tell Alan, keeping a hand to the man’s back and rubbing it gently. “Ronnie.” Alan seemed to be begging at this point, gripping onto the man’s shirt. “Oh I see.” Ronnie says, noticing what Alan was making such a fuss about. “Don’t be embarrassed.” Ronnie tries to calm the man, moving his hand down which makes Alan shiver, body way too oversensitive. 

The next morning Alan woke up, Ronnie’s hand still in the place it was last night and though the touch led to nothing, part of Alan was hoping that it would. Alan slips out of bed and over to the bathroom, looking back at Ronnie who seemed to still be asleep. He looks over to the laminated poster on the wall instructing his shower routine. He closes the bathroom door and turns to look at the shower. “Right.” He mutters to himself, stepping into the shower and turning on the hot water. There is a shiver running through his body as the warm water falls down his frame. Alan slides his hand down his chest, to his lower stomach before taking hold of himself. “Fuck.” He shivers, resting his head against the wall as his eyes flutter closed. “Alan.” Ronnie says, walking in a few moments later. “I thought I felt you leave the bed.” Ronnie smiles, eyeline looking down at Alan’s hand making the man stop. “I wanted a shower.” Alan says, looking away from Ronnie. “You’re okay, keep going.” Ronnie stays where he was, leaning against the door as he looks back up to Alan’s face. “I didn’t want to take advantage.” Alan looks confused. “Last night, you were tired and most likely confused.” Ronnie explains, eyes flicking down every so often. “It’s okay.” Alan says, eyes closing again as he comes closer to the edge. “For next time.” Ronnie starts, walking towards the man until their feet touch. “If I’m around, this only happens where I can see it.” Alan nods, body spasming as he comes undone. 


	7. Can We Talk?

“Let’s have a look at your recovery map.” Ronnie says, sitting at his desk whilst Ronnie sat opposite, the man feeling strange about still having this dynamic mixed with the other one. “So it seems we are about 2 steps in, which at this stage is good.” Ronnie rests a hand on top of Alan’s. “You are doing good. I’m proud.” Ronnie squeezes his hand gently, Alan shrugging looking down at his lap. “And I think that having me around has helped too? Would you agree?” Alan nods because it was the easier option, Ronnie did help and he’s felt better in himself since Ronnie was around but he wasn’t sure about some of the events of the past week. This wasn’t helped by the fact that he only vaguely remembered them. “What happened the other day?” Alan asks, Ronnie closing up his notebook. “This might be something to talk about at home.” Ronnie says but Alan knows that as soon as they both get home, Ronnie will avoid the questioning as easily as brushing off a child who is asking ‘why’ for the fifteenth time. “Ronnie, please.” Alan sighs, looking out of the window when Ronnie simply shakes his head. 

Alan looks up from the sofa to where Ronnie was cooking some food. “Can we talk about it now?” Alan says, seeing how Ronnie tenses before going back to cooking without saying anything. “Ronnie.” Alan says getting up and moving over to the man. “We can talk about it after dinner.” Ronnie says, pulling the man into him. “And plus, why ruin the evening with conversations like that.” Alan nods, resting his head on Ronnie’s shoulder. “Try this. It’s a new recipe.” Ronnie picks some of the food up on the wooden spoon and puts it by Alan’s mouth. “Okay.” Alan says trying some, coughing a little at the spice. “Oh it isn’t that bad. Plus spice is good for you.” Ronnie says, eating the rest of it from the spoon before placing it on the counter. “Now that’s not going to be done for a while.” Ronnie turns so that Alan’s back rests against the counter. “So we can talk about…” Alan tries but Ronnie shakes his head. “Maybe we could try.” Ronnie brushes a hand down the man’s shoulder. “Ronnie, I don’t think… I’m quite tired.” Ronnie nods. “That’s fine.” Ronnie lets go of Alan and grabs his phone off the side. “Maybe you should take a nap.” Ronnie says, moving over to the sofa to sit down on his phone. “Oh okay.” The man says, moving to sit down next to Ronnie, laying down in his lap. “Good boy. Get your rest.” Ronnie pets the man’s hair softly. 

“Alan, don’t ask. It is too late.” Ronnie says as he lays down in the bed already seeing the look on the man’s face. “You said that we would talk about it.” Alan says, pulling at Ronnie’s wrist. “Can we at least cuddle, don’t turn away again.” Alan almost begs. Ronnie sighs, connecting their hands but still turning away. “What is this, Ronnie?” Alan asks, trying to move so that he can face the scot. “You want to know what this is?” Ronnie turns, pinning down Alan’s hands as he straddles the man. “Well make an effort.” The man says, too close to Alan’s face for his liking. “I’ve looked after you, fed you, clothed you, made sure that you haven’t died.” Ronnie spits. “And you’ve done nothing to thank me.” Alan closes his eyes, body tensing up. “How? What...what do you want?” Alan stutters, opening his eyes again as he feels Ronnie lower his hips down. “Hey, hey. Breathe.” Ronnie says in a calmer voice, confusing Alan. “It’s okay, why don’t we just.” Alan nods working out what Ronnie was suggesting. “Let’s do that. I’m sorry for shouting.” Ronnie brushes a hand down Alan’s face. “Do you forgive me?” Ronnie asks, rubbing against the shaking man. “I forgive you.” Ronnie smiles. “Good boy.” The scot says, kissing him. 


	8. Realisation

“Oh god!” Ronnie moans, rolling onto his back and turning his head to look at Alan who was laying there with his eyes closed, arms still above his head. “You’re so good.” Ronnie praises kissing the side of Alan’s head before moving out of bed. “I’m going to shower, join me if you want.” He offers, as he saunters over to the shower. Instead Alan rolls over onto his back, groaning as he hugs the pillow. He hears the shower turn on as he sinks his head into the pillow, curling up around another one. “Come on, don’t be a spoilsport.” Alan pokes his head around the door, hair wet from the shower. “Ducklin’ don’t mess me about.” Ronnie snaps, gripping onto the wall. Alan sits up, moving a hand through his hair before sliding off of the bed and over to Ronnie who pulls him in by the waist. “See this is far better.” Ronnie says, pushing Alan up against the tiled wall. “My little ducklin’.” Ronnie growls into the man’s ear before kissing down his neck and shoulder. “Why do you call me that?” He asks, wincing as Ronnie pulls at his hair slightly. “Because you’re small, can’t do much with that head of yours and.” He stops, brushing a hand down to his hip. “You follow my instructions blindly.” Ronnie smiles, feeling the man shiver. “Ever heard of that story of the ducklin’. Maybe that’s why I call you it too.” Ronnie adds, giving Alan no explanation but instead turning him around and pressing against him. 

Ronnie looks down to Alan who was passed out on the bed as his phone goes off. “Bill?” He answers the phone, seeing how Alan groans in his sleep. “Uh, I’ve got the day off today, so nothing much planned.” He puts the phone on speaking, hearing Alan move the pillow over his head as he starts to dress. “I can come pick him up in ten?” Ronnie says, picking up his keys. “No it’s no problem at all. Alright. See you soon.” Alan lifts his head as the phone is hung up. “I’ve got to pick up a wee boy. He’ll be staying the day and night.” Ronnie says, opening the drawers to grab some clothes out of it. “Get dressed, I’ll be back in 15.” Alan sits up, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on. “And I’ll warn you now, he’s rather clingy and bad at social cues.” He turns around as he slips on his shoes. “Oh never mind, you’ll get on just fine being the same an’ all.” Ronnie chuckles, leaving the room. “At least it’ll take your attention away from me.” Alan mutters, grabbing his jogging bottoms and pulling them on. He felt dirty, though he always felt dirty after Ronnie’s morning routine for him but Ronnie did say that routines were good for him so he did it. 

“Careful lad.” Alan sits up on the sofa when he sees Ronnie walk back in with a scottish lad holding a stuffed dragon. “Ducklin’ this is Campbell.” Campbell looks around the house before moving to sit on the floor next to Alan’s feet. “Don’t you want to sit up?” Alan asks, tapping the sofa only to get a look from Campbell. “Alan, leave him. Pass me the remote.” Ronnie says grabbing it from the man and changing the tv to a kids channel playing some cartoon. “I’ll get you some juice.” Ronnie says, moving off to the kitchen. “So, how do you know Ronnie?” Alan asks, looking down to the boy whose eyes were fixed to the TV. “Careful with it.” Ronnie says, passing the sippy cup of apple juice to Campbell as well as a bowl of crackers. He moves to sit next to Alan, sliding a hand behind his back. “Campbell will be glued to the telly until dinner now. Why don’t we?” Ronnie whispers, sliding his hand to Alan’s inner thigh making him flinch. “He is right here though.” Alan says, looking down to Campbell, the dragon resting against his chest as he moves the sippy cup to his lips. “Stay there bud okay.” Ronnie ruffles a hand through Campbell’s hair before moving off to the bathroom, Alan following behind him. 

Campbell looks up as Alan stumbles out of the bathroom; his hair is messed up and he was walking a bit funny. “Campbell, I’m going to make us some dinner. Stay with Alan okay.” Ronnie says, doing up his fly with a few buttons of his shirt undone. “Why don’t you sit on the sofa? It'll be comfier.” Alan encourages but Campbell pulls at his arm. “Down here.” Campbell says, speaking for the first time to him. “He’ll want to sit in your lap.” Ronnie warns before moving to the kitchen. “What are we watching?” Alan asks, moving down to sit cross legged on the floor. Campbell doesn’t answer, instead moving his hands to Alan’s face. “Scratchy.” He giggles, brushing a thumb over his beard. “Yeah it is a little, isn't it?” Alan smiles, what he’s released was a teenager with the mind of a child. It was nice to talk to a child like figure again, he really missed his kids truth be told. “You hurts self?” Campbell asks, eyes widening as he brushes over a love bite. “Oh I’m okay, just a little bruise. Alan starts before looking to the closed kitchen door. It wasn’t like Campbell would understand any of this anyway. “Well, can I tell you a secret?” Campbell nods, playing with the strings of Alan’s hoodie. 

“I’m going to go for a nap.” Alan stretches after washing up the plate. “You’ll need to rest up. Nighttime routine is rather busy tonight, once this one is in bed.” Ronnie smiles, picking up some food on Campbell’s fork. “Eat up please and then you’ve got meds to take.” Ronnie encourages as he watches Alan go up stairs. “I tell you something?” Campbell asks, mouth full of food. “Finish your mouthful and then you can.” Ronnie smiles at the boy. “You know Alan?” Ronnie nods, feeding Campbell another bite. “He talked to me about.” Ronnie guides another forkful into the boy’s mouth. “He said he feels like my GI Joes. Just a toy and you like me like playing with him all the time and smiling and having fun. But he no have fun too. He kinda sad ‘cause feels he can't do or speak so he no dos and no speaks" Ronnie swallows, passing Campbell his pills. “Take these please and then we will get you ready for bed.” 


	9. Regret

Campbell looks up at Ronnie who was unfolding a blanket for him. “Are you comfy enough?” He asks, tucking the boy onto the sofa. “I’m comfy.” Campbell says, snuggling Sparky closer to him. “Good boy. Sleep well.” Ronnie brushes a hand through the boy’s hair before turning the light off and making his way up the stairs. “Ducklin’, Campbell is in bed.” Ronnie says, starting to undress. “He’s a sweet kid.” Alan says, moving onto his side, his voice breaking a little bit. “Yeah, he’s a good boy. Bill’s a lucky man.” Ronnie gets under the covers, seeing how Alan hides his face in his pillow. “He does tire you out though.” Ronnie yawns, stretching his arms over his head. “But I’ve still got a little energy.” Ronnie smirks, wrapping an arm around Alan’s lower waist, toying with the bottom of the man’s shirt, pressing himself against the clothed man. “Not tonight.” Alan says, sniffling slightly. Ronnie slides a hand under the other man’s shirt. “Are you sure, I can make you feel so good.” Ronnie starts kissing at Alan’s neck. “Stop Ronnie!” Alan shouts, turning and hitting the man before pulling himself out of the bed. “Ducklin’ don’t be like this.” Ronnie sits up on his knees. “Fuck you Ronnie!” Alan shouts, pulling on a dressing gown and moving down the stairs. Ronnie collapses back onto the bed looking up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes growling, he had fucked up. “Shit.” Ronnie curses getting up from the bed and grabbing his phone. ‘Sleep in the bed, I’m going for a walk.’ He texts to Alan, slipping some clothes on and slipping on some shoes. 

The next morning Alan wakes up to an empty bed, he wasn’t entirely sure where Ronnie went last night or if he was even back this morning. “I’m sorry, I can’t find it.” He hears a distant voice from downstairs. “Ronnie please!” Campbell cries, Alan throws on the dressing gown and makes his way downstairs, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “What’s going on?” Ronnie looks over to the stairs at Alan before looking back to Campbell. “We’ve lost his GI Joe.” Ronnie explains, moving onto his knees to be eye level with Campbell who was sat on the sofa. “No Ronnie, you gotta find him. It’s really important!” Campbell cries out, pulling at the man’s arm. “I want my GI Joe, I love him and I need him.” There was a knock at the door, making Alan look over. “That’ll be Bill. Could you get it?” Ronnie explains, trying to calm the boy. “He didn’t even know I even loved him. And now he’s gone.” Campbell sobs, looking at Ronnie. “I never said I loved him.” Campbell feels a new set of hands on him and turns to see Bill. “He’s lost his GI Joe.” Ronnie explains as Bill pulls the boy into a hug. “Bubba, GI Joe is at home, you only brought Sparky with you. He’ll be waiting for you to come back.” Bill says, rubbing the boy’s back. “Now say goodbye to Ronnie.” Bill says, letting the boy out of the hug. “Thanks looking after me.” He says to Ronnie before looking to Alan and holding his hand. “I’m sorry I threw you across the room when I was angry and that I lost you at the park twice. You really cool GI Alan.” He says before wrapping his arms around the man. Bill looked confused but it seemed that realisation was flooding Ronnie’s face. 

Ronnie closes the door after watching Bill drive away before looking over to Alan. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t think.” He lets out a deep breath, watching Alan step a little closer to him. “I am a man of psychology yet I don’t know anything about myself.” He looks to the sofa with the blanket and pillow still resting on it. “I know how to care for the ill, I know their needs and how to help them. How to make them feel loved.” Alan moves a little closer but has his arms crossed, keeping his body closed. “And- and I know sex. I know how it makes me feel, how I want it to make me feel. I wanted that for you too. I wanted you to know I loved you and I thought that I could by giving you that feeling.” Ronnie holds his hand out, letting out a shaky breath when Alan takes hold of it. “I know now that I neglected everything else. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to love like you need... like you deserve to be loved Alan.” This was the first time he’d seen Ronnie cry, Alan squeezed the man’s hand as a tear rolled down his face. “Every relationship I’ve been in has revolved around sex. And that isn’t in any way an excuse. I just… Can you teach me how to love you properly? I’d give anything in the world for that because I love you Alan.” 


	10. Resentful

Alan was laying in bed alone, Ronnie hadn’t trusted himself to come up and sleep in the same bed, he said he didn’t deserve to. Alan felt lonely without the man’s arms around him, even if his words and actions were sometimes too much he still loved Ronnie. He heard the tv being turned off, Ronnie must be turning in for the night. After thinking for a bit he decides to get up off the bed and starts to make his way down the stairs. “Ronnie.” The man says as he gets to the bottom of the stairs looking to the scot who was laid on the sofa, hands up under his head. “I’ve not been too loud have I?” Ronnie sits up a little, putting his phone down as Ronnie walks closer to him not saying a word. “Alan, are you okay?” The scot watches carefully as the other man leads down to kiss him. “We don’t have to do anything.” Ronnie says, resting a hand on Alan’s chest who shakes his head, moving up onto the sofa to straddle Ronnie’s hips. “I want to.” Alan says, resting his hands on the man’s chest as he shuffles to a comfier position. “Alan, no we need to stop this. I can’t keep hurting you. I can’t keep using you.” Alan shakes his head, grabbing Ronnie’s hand and interlacing their fingers. “I want to.” The man says, leaning down to kiss Ronnie, brushing his tongue over the Scot’s lips. Ronnie pushes Alan back, making him fall onto his bum on the end of the sofa by Ronnie’s feet. “No, we can’t do this.” Ronnie stands up. “We can’t. It’s wrong.” He stands up, grabbing his coat and slipping on some shoes before walking out the door, slamming it before he drives away. 

Alan spent the rest of the evening pacing around the house, he didn’t know what he’d done wrong. He’d tried to call Ronnie wasn’t responding, he tried to sit back down on the sofa but it didn’t seem a nice thing to do anymore. The house was dark, quiet and empty. There was a painful feeling in his chest as if something was breaking. Ronnie wanted to love him better but now he’s gone. “Ronnie.” Alan cries out, holding one of the man’s jackets to his face as he slides down the wall. “Everyone leaves me.” He whimpers, he felt a tightness in his chest, his heart hurt as he sat struggling to keep his breath steady. “Breath, breath.” He repeats to himself, hitting the palm of his hand against his head. “Ronnie!” He shouts, falling onto his side, covering his face with Ronnie’s jacket. “Please love me!” His voice was raw, eyes red as a pounding in his head starts. “Fuck!” Alan’s shouts, rolling onto his front and gripping onto the table leg, pulling himself closer to the sofa but didn’t quite make it as he passes out. His hand relaxes, twisting as it hits the floor. Ronnie looks to his phone, seeing all of the missed calls and text messages before shutting it down. He couldn’t bear to hurt Alan anymore and the only way he knew how was by staying away from him. He didn’t trust himself, his wandering hands and twisted view on love. Alan survived well, perhaps even better before meeting him. A few weeks apart wouldn’t kill either of them. 

The next morning Alan awoke on the floor to the sun flooding through the window and knocking on the door. He sits himself up, grip still on Ronnie’s jacket. “Sorry to disturb!” A man’s voice shouts through the door. “Ronnie?” He says again before there’s another knock on the door. “Is everything okay in there?” Alan bites his lip as he pulls himself up, arm recalling in pain. “Look, I was just going to grab Campbell’s jacket. I can come back?” Bill says about to leave, Alan watching the man through the window as he moves over to the door slowly, his head was kind of aching and he was exhausted. Bill looks over seeing the man through the window and moves over to the door. “Key under the mat.” Alan says, resting to sit down on the sofa, cradling his arm. When Bill gets through the door he moves over to the man on the sofa, Ronnie had told him a little bit about his brain injury. “Are you alone? Where’s Ronnie?” Alan shrugs, looking over to the door blankly, clutching onto Ronnie’s jacket. Bill moves onto his knees, resting a hand on Alan’s leg. “Do you know where Ronnie is?” He asks again but sees that Alan is in too much pain to answer. “What happened to your arm?” Alan moves it out. “He left me.” Alan whimpers, moving his hand back to his chest. “I can help you, did Ronnie tell you I’m a doctor?” Bill comforts, gently taking the man’s wrist and holding it out. “Do you know what you did?” Bill moves a thumb down, pressing lightly on it. Alan winces as Bill moves over the painful bit. 

“Ronnie, I have a quite upset Alan here. Please call me back.” Bill speaks into the phone after trying to get hold of Ronnie. “Try not to use it.” Bill says as he looks to Alan’s now bandaged wrist. “I’ve left Campbell at home, maybe it’ll be best to take you back to ours.” Bill suggests just as his phone goes off. “Oh it’s Ronnie.” Bill says, Alan looking back to his phone wondering why he wasn’t the person that Ronnie wanted to call. “Where did you go?” Bill moves into the kitchen to continue the conversation, leaving Ronnie staring at his phone and wondering about what was really happening. “Well I don’t think walking off with no explanation helps.” Bill raises his voice slightly but almost as if he didn’t want to startle Alan. “When are you coming back?” Alan stands up, moving over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “Careful okay.” Bill says, taking the glass from Alan and filling it up with water before giving it back to him. “I’m not talking to him like a child.” Bill snaps over the phone, Alan sneaking back to the sofa. “Well if you were here then you could have an opinion. Don’t just leave and expect Alan to be fine with it.” Bill sighs, shaking his head as he hangs up. “Why don’t I go and get Campbell then come back and we can help you.” Alan shakes his head. “I want Ronnie.” He says, sitting down on the sofa. “Ronnie thought it would be best…” Bill thinks through it in his head. “That it would be best for you to give each other a little space.” Bill tells him, Alan looking to his feet. “I’d like you to go. Thank you for fixing my wrist but I want you to go.” 


	11. Rescuing

It hadn’t been the same since Ronnie had left, since he’d told Bill to leave. Alan didn’t really feel like he was in control, occasionally it would feel that he wasn’t even alive. He’d stand in the shower, water rushing over him and forget about what he was meant to be doing. It had been a week since he’d been left alone, his phone was somewhere most likely uncharged but who was going to try and get hold of him anyway. He dragged himself out of the shower, pulling a towel around himself and making his way downstairs. “Breakfast.” He mutters to himself, finding the loaf of bread, it was stale but not mouldy and puts it into the toaster. “Tea.” He looked around for the jar of tea bags but it was empty, the milk had gone off a few days ago anyway. “Alan?” He hears someone shout from the door, kicking the post out of the way as he moves to open the door. “Alan I can see you.” It’s only then that Alan clicks on who it is. “Emmett?” Alan asks, hands moving onto the handle. “Can you let me in Alan?” The man opens the door seeing his old college roommate standing there. “God you look a mess.” Emmett says a little in shock, resting a hand on Alan’s shoulder. “How long have you been on your own?” He asks but Alan just shrugs, looking off into the distance. “Well why don’t you get you dressed. I’m taking Reily to the beach, go play on some of the arcades. You’re coming too.” 

Alan looks over to see Riley and Emmett’s husband. Tyler, making a sandcastle on the beach. “Fresh air is good for you.” Emmett says from where he is sitting next to him. “I guess so.” Alan shrugs, smiling a little at the young girl playing with her dad; he missed his kids. “Daddy look!” Riley runs up to Emmett. “Look at this shell!” She opens her palm to show him an oyster shell. “Oh that’s really nice. Did you know that sometimes they have pearls in them.” He says, lifting her up onto his lap. “Did you leave your Pa in the sand?” He asks, tickling her. “He’s coming. Said we could go to the arcade!” Emmett nods, seeing Tyler catch up to the group, hopping as he shakes sand out of his shoe. “Do you need some help?” Emmett asks, looking to his husband who was wobbling a little. “Daddy’s got a plastic leg.” Riley says and only then does Alan notice that he had a prosthetic. “Car accident.” Tyler says, Alan looking up and apologising. “It’s okay, happened about 5 years ago now. But I couldn’t have asked for a better supporter.” He smiles, looking over to kiss Emmett. “Now let’s get to the arcade!” Tyler changes the subject, picking up Riley and starting to run over to the building lit up with neon lights from the machines. “I think we should get a coffee.” Emmett pulls Alan aside to a small van a little bit down the beach. “Will they be alright?” Alan asks, Emmett shrugging. “An injury isn’t the end of the world you know. It may feel like it when you’re in it but now it’s like nothing has happened to him at all.” Alan shrugs, looking off into the distance again. “Stick in there.” Emmett says, to himself, grabbing the coffees from the women. 

“Take care of yourself okay.” Emmett says, dropping a few shopping bags into the house. Alan nods, looking around the house. “I’ll come check up on you next week but you have my number.” Alan nods again, watching as Emmett walks away and closes the door. “Fridge.” Alan sighs, picking up the bags and taking them to the kitchen. On the way he trips over something, looking down to see his phone, a crack down the middle of it. “Oh.” Alan leans down to pick it up trying to turn it on but the battery was dead. He searches around for the charger that lay on the counter. “Come on.” He mutters, waiting for the battery to fill up just enough to turn the screen on. He feels the phone vibrate, pushing the button to turn it on. His fingers tapped against the desk as he saw the screen turn on, unlocking it to look at the notifications. There were none. Alan drops the phone back onto the counter and moves out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He opens up the covers, pulling them over him and just lays there. 

Ronnie sits on the sofa, mug in hand laughing at the rom-com playing on the tv. He smiles moving his hand to where Alan usually sat. “Alan remember...” He turns to look over to the man before frowning when he realises that the man wasn’t around. Ronnie sighs, taking a drink from his mug and flinching as the whiskey runs down his throat. A second mug lay on the table filled with tea, milk and two sugars. Ronnie rests back against the sofa, closing his eyes with a groan. He’d lost count of the days without Alan, it felt like the days were so long. His only escape from his own head was when he had to analyse another poor soul’s. He just hoped that all of this would be worth it; they’d be apart for a week or so and then everything can go back to normal. Better even. Ronnie needed time to learn how to treat Alan better.


	12. Relapse

“I’ve come up with a list of things to ask him.” Ronnie says, passing over a post-it note. “I’m just glad that I can give you something to keep you busy. It’s strange seeing you like this.” Bill tells him, watching as Campbell lets himself into the house. “Have you cleared the booze?” Bill asks, watching Campbell make himself at home on the sofa, the occasional empty bottle scattered on tables and the carpet. “I’m not gonna let Campbell drink, am I?” Ronnie snaps. “But can you please just check on him. I’ve been thinking the worst.” Bill nods, looking at the shell of the man that stood in front of him. “Maybe it’s about time you stop torturing yourself.” Bill says through gritted teeth, taking the list before looking over to Campbell. “See you later. Be good.” Bill waves before leaving to get back in his car. “Why are we not with G.I Alan?” Campbell asks, Ronnie tripping over an empty whisky bottle before catching himself on the sofa. “Alan is… we are spending time alone. You know.” Ronnie sits himself on the sofa, finding a bottle of beer by his foot and cracking it open. “Can I have a drink?” Campbell asks, watching Ronnie take a long glug of his beer. “Sure… not this though.” Ronnie puts the bottle on the table. “Water okay?” Campbell nods, grabbing the remote and turning the TV. “Oh stop… wait there buddy.” Ronnie moves over to grab the remote, changing the channel quickly. 

Alan was feeling like he was coping a little better; Emmett had been making him go on walks, taking him to the beach when he took Reily. Getting out of the house was nice, it made him make an effort. He was just about to chuck a load of washing on when he saw one of Ronnie’s shirts under the basket. He leans down to pick it up, ending up lying down on the floor with it. He pulls it onto himself, keeping the shirt open as he feels himself start to shake, Ronnie’s scent surrounding him. He craved for the man to come up the stairs, he wanted the man. Ronnie wasn’t a monster. Alan feels his surroundings become blurry, a ringing in his ear near to deafening him. His eyes squeeze shut, chest heaving and heart threatening to break his ribs. At this moment he felt that maybe death was easier than this. He pulls Ronnie’s shirt around him just as the darkness and weight surrounds him. Bill knocks on the door a few times, looking through the window to the surprisingly tidy house. “Alan!” He shouts through the letterbox, not wanting to barge in until necessary. “Alan! It’s Bill!” He shouts again. Waiting a few moments before he finds the key from under the door and making his way into the house. “Alan, where are you?” Bill mutters under his breath, Alan’s house faring better than Ronnie’s. There was a thud from upstairs which made Bill run up them and into the bedroom. “Alan!” He shouts, moving down onto the floor next to the man. 

Bill follows Alan from the ambulance and into the hospital. “You’ll have to wait in here.” One of the nurses catches Bill and stops him from following the stretcher. “I’m a doctor.” Bill says but the nurse only leads him to the waiting room. “We will call you through when he’s been checked over.” The nurse reassures him. “Fine.” Bill sighs sitting down in the waiting room and pulling his phone out. “Ronnie. You need to get down to the hospital. Wait you’ve been drinking with Campbell around?” Bill’s knee bounces. “We’ll talk about this later. Well I’ll get Emmett to bring you down… yes Alan is in the hospital. Don’t worry, don’t need both of you down.” Bill says looking over to the door. “Get some shoes on, I’ll find someone to pick you up soon.” Bill hangs up so that he can get in touch with Emmett. “Sorry to disturb you. I’m Bill… Ronnie’s friend? Anyway I found you on Alan’s phone. He’s in the hospital.” Bill sees the doctor motion to him. “Anyway could you go pick up Ronnie, I’ll text his address. And bring him to the hospital.” 


	13. Reunited

“Christ!” Ronnie shouts, making everyone in the waiting room turn. He spots Bill, but still seems to be looking around. “He’s okay, just in for observation.” Bill tells him, moving his arms around Campbell. “Thank you.” He says to Emmett who sits down by them. “Go ask the nurse if you can see him. I think you will be able to.” Bill tries to calm Ronnie but was, rightly, quite mad at him in this moment. “Are you okay?” He looks to Campbell who was playing with the man’s braces. “Is G.I Alan gonna be okay?” Bill pulls the boy into the chair next to him, his arms wrapping around Bill’s neck. “He’ll be alright, it’s like when you’ve got a cold and then after a nap you get a little better.” Bill explains, stroking his hair gently. They watch as Ronnie moves through the double doors and gets led to Alan’s hospital room. “Did Ronnie get you a snack when you were at his?” Bill asks but Campbell shakes his head. “He got me water.” Campbell yawns, nuzzling his nose into Bill’s neck. “Why don’t we get you a snack? There’s a machine over there.” Bill points over to the vending machine. Bill gives Campbell some money, watching him get up and move to the machine. “Nice to meet you… even if it’s in a bad situation.” Emmett says, shaking Bill’s hand. “Yeah, how long have you known Alan?” Bill asks, making conversation, Campbell running back with a packet of m&ms. 

Ronnie walks into the hospital room, Alan is laid on the bed with wires monitoring him. “He’s been waking and sleeping so he should be up again soon.” The nurse tells Ronnie. “If you need us, there is a button there.” She points out before leaving. Ronnie sits down on the chair next to the bed, looking over Alan’s body again. He moves his hand to rest on top of Alan’s, worrying that he would break the man. “Sorry. I wanted to see how he was.” Ronnie looks up to see Emmett standing at the door. “It’s okay.” Ronnie says, swallowing. “I don’t think we’ve me. Ronnie.” Ronnie says holding his hand out to Emmett who shakes it. “Emmett. I left Bill and the kid in the waiting room.” Ronnie nods, clearing his throat. “Campbell.” He says. “That kid’s name is Campbell.” Emmett nods, sliding his hands into his pocket. “Well take it this way, that fact he’s only being monitored is a good sign.” Ronnie nods, brushing his thumb over Alan’s hand. “I’ve just fucked up so bad.” Ronnie admits. “I fucked up.” His voice breaks as he tries to hold back tears. “I can leave you alone?” Emmett suggests and Ronnie nods. “I’d like that.” Ronnie tells him, listening to the door open and close again. “I’m.” Ronnie sniffles, blinking away a tear. “God I'm not even what you need now, doubt I'll ever really be.” His thumb brushes over the man’s hand. “Without you I got so broken I didn't even realize the way your touch electrified me or how your sleepy smile caused this ache in my gut. I didn't love you when I should have and now. Now you're helpless and I am trying to get back to you by doggy paddling in an ocean.” There was a small grunt noise coming from Alan. “I didn't truly know what it was like to be loved by you and I - I used that feeling to its barest form. You don't need someone as daft as me ducklin’ and I'm sorry I put you through this.” Alan turns to look at Ronnie’s hand as Ronnie rests his head on Alan’s chest. “Please love me.” Ronnie cries, Alan’s hand moving to the man’s back. 

“G.I Alan is doing okay if you wanna see him?” Ronnie comes out, Bill noticing the red under his eyes. Campbell nods sleepily, holding up his bag of m&ms. “I left some of my chocolate for him.” Campbell says. “Emmett, can you take Campbell in. I want to talk to Ronnie.” Bill says, motioning for Ronnie to follow him outside. “Bill please, I’m not in the mindset for the 3rd degree.” Bill shakes his head. “I don’t care. This is the time to do it, Alan can’t be put through the again. You can’t be put through this again.” Bill starts, looking around to the person walking past them. “You think that I want to go through that again?” Ronnie snaps, looking away from Bill. “Look, we know that you care for him, we know that you want to love him better. No one is denying that you want to be with him.” Bill tells him, moving them to the side and out of the way. “It’s all about learning and it won’t be perfect straight away. Love is more than just sex okay, love is comunication, it’s being there for each other at their best times and at their worst.” Ronnie shrugs, finding it hard to keep eye contact. “What if I don’t know how to do that?” He asks, clearing his throat. “I’m not good enough for him.” Bill shakes his head. “You just need to learn to be better. And you have a hell of a lot of people supporting you.” Bill moves to pull Ronnie into a side hug. “God you stink of booze.” Bill grumbles. “Wel-.” Bill shakes his head. “You’re going to go home, take a shower and sober up.” Bill tells him, looking through his pocket for some cash to give him for a taxi as the man groans. “Don’t. If you wanna get better, go be better. Take this money, go home and take a shower. Clean yourself up.” Ronnie nods, sinking his head into his hands, Bill hearing him sob gently.

Emmett takes Campbell into the hospital room. “G.I Alan.” Campbell whispers, a little scared by all the wires. “I’m okay, look. These are just making the machines work.” Alan explains, voice still a little croaky. “Go ahead.” Emmett whispers before looking up to Alan. “Campbell saved you some chocolate.” He smiles, the boy taking the crumpled packet of m&ms out of his pocket. “How are you doing?” Emmett asks, sitting down in the chair on the other side of the bed. “I’m fine, I think I just gave Bill a bit of a shock.” Alan says, moving his hand to hold on to Emmett’s “Sorry for all this fuss.” Alan takes an m&m from the packet and pops it into his mouth. “These are very good, thank you.” He smiles at Campbell. The door opens and Bill walks in without Ronnie. Alan and Emmett move their hands away from each other. “Ronnie has gone home to take a shower. He’ll be back I promise.” Bill comforts. Emmett gets up from his chair. “Well I better get back to Riley.” Emmett clears his throat, leaving the room. “You haven’t shouted at Ronnie too much have you?” Alan asks, snacking on the rest of the m&ms. “I have given him… a nudge.” Bill answers, looking over to Campbell who was staring at Alan. “He’s okay.” Bill says, lifting the boy up and sitting them back down on the chair. “G.I Alan just needs a bit of a rest.” Alan smiles, trying to reassure the boy. 


	14. Home Together

“Easy, easy.” Ronnie helps Alan into the house. “I can walk.” He groaned, moving to sit onto the sofa. “Surprised Campbell let us go home. If it was up for him G.I Alan would live there.” Ronnie says, moving over to the kitchen. “Do you want a glass of water or some food? I am starving.” Ronnie asks, looking over to Alan before opening the fridge. “I would like a conversation.” Alan says, making Ronnie freeze. “You knew this was going to happen.” Alan says. “You know my brain isn’t completely gone.” Ronnie nods, clearing his throat as he sits down opposite the man. “Remember right at the start.” Alan says, looking at Ronnie. “When you came to my house.” Alan stands up. “I invited you in for a cup of tea. You saw me pick up the kettle.” Alan looks over to Ronnie. “Do you remember?” Alan says. “I remember telling you to take a breath.” Ronnie slides his arm around Alan’s waist and to his chest. “I want that again.” Ronnie sighs feeling Alan turn to face the man. “After you left that day.” Alan swallows. “I stood by that table trying to make myself feel the way you made me feel.” Alan smiles at the memory. “It wasn’t complicated, it was just love, proper love.” Ronnie tries to move his arm away starting to feel bad. “Please.” Alan connects their hands. “Love me.” Ronnie looks to the man. “Teach me.” He says, pulling them closer together. He feels a tear fall down his face watching Alan nod. “We can learn together.” 

Alan turns to look over to Ronnie as he moves under the covers. “I’ve missed you.” Ronnie says, moving onto his side to look at Alan. “I’ve heard.” The man whispers, moving his hand up to touch at the scot’s face. “But I can’t say I’ve done any better.” Ronnie’s eyes flicker closed, face turning so that he can kiss Alan’s hand. “Bill’s given me a telling off. Doesn’t want me to hurt you again. Quite right too.” Ronnie sighs, shuffling to lie on his back. “I think some sleep is in order.” He mutters, feeling Alan rest his hand on Ronnie’s chest, his head nuzzling into the man’s shoulder. “You’re nice and warm.” Alan mutters starting to drift off. Ronnie closes his eyes, he smiles as he feels Alan’s breath against his neck and the slight scratch of his beard. “I’m going to do better for you.” Ronnie whispers as he yawns, starting to drift off to sleep. A few hours later Alan wakes up, looking around the room and enjoying the feeling of Ronnie’s arm around him. Alan lifts Ronnie’s arm a touch so that he can slide out and go over to the bathroom. He smooths out his hair a little in the mirror before going back out to the bedroom. He hears a slight whimpering and moves to lie back down on the bed. Ronnie had curled up into a ball and was shaking. “Ronnie.” Alan whispers, trying to wrap his arms around the man. “Ronnie I’m here.” Alan wraps a leg over one of Ronnie’s, shushing him gently when he starts to cry. “Don’t leave.” Ronnie cries out, Alan reaching out for the arm to pull back into his body. 

The next morning Alan wakes up to an empty bed, he sits up looking into the bathroom to see if Ronnie was waiting to get into the shower. He slips out of bed when he notices that the radio was on downstairs. He finds his slippers, putting them on before throwing on a hoodie. “Morning.” Alan says, wrapping his arms around himself as he goes downstairs to see Ronnie cooking breakfast. “I didn’t want to wake you.” Ronnie says, turning down something on the hob as he moves closer to Alan. “It was strange waking up in an empty bed.” Alan admits, tensing a little before realising that Ronnie’s touch was an innocent hug. “I just kind of expected that we’d get back to the usual morning routine.” Alan says, Ronnie pulling away from the hug. “Oh ducklin’.” He sighs moving an arm to the man’s shoulder. “That routine, both of them… it was wrong. I will never pressure you into anything. Now did you want some toast?” Ronnie asks, turning to go back to the cupboard. “Sounds good, and maybe a coffee?” Ronnie nods watching Alan move to sit down at the dining table. “What was your nightmare about last night?” Alan asks, making conversation, Ronnie swallows getting the plates of food ready. “I don’t remember really.” He turns, placing the plates down on the table. That was a lie, he remembered every second of it; of him ruining their relationship, taking advantage of Alan until the man eventually decided to leave him.


	15. Kiss me... please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a week or so after the last chapter.

“Coat, coat.” Alan mutters to himself as he looks around the bedroom. “Where’s my fuckin’ coat!” He shouts, pulling stuff out of the wardrobe. “Hey, here it is.” Ronnie says, passing Alan his coat. “Are we ready to go?” He asks, looking to Alan who seemed a little worked up. “Take some breaths.” Ronnie goes to rest a hand on Alan’s chest but stops himself. Alan takes a few deep breaths before nodding. “I’m okay. Let’s go.” Ronnie nods too, looking to the taxi pulling up outside. “There’s our ride, better go.” Ronnie moves next to Alan, moving to hold his hand but stops himself. “It’ll be nice to get out.” Alan tells the man, getting into the back of the car whilst Ronnie gets into the other. “Yeah, it will be.” Ronnie tells him, feeling Alan rest a hand on top of his as he tells the driver where to go. “You can hold my hand.” Alan says, turning his hand so that they could interlink their fingers. “If you’re okay with that.” Ronnie says, a little worried about doing something wrong. “I’m okay with it Ronnie. I love you.” Alan leans into the man, resting his head on Ronnie’s shoulder whilst he watches the cars go by. “Here we go, hope you have a nice evening.” Ronnie pays the driver before taking the man’s hand. “Table for two, under Liang.” He says to the hostess, moving Alan closer as he feels the man tense a little. “Are you okay?” Ronnie leans in to check, Alan nodding.

Alan smiles, looking over to Ronnie as he takes a drink from his wine glass. “I like that smile.” Ronnie tells him, looking over as someone calls his name. “Sorry about this.” Ronnie says, connecting their hands over the table as the man walks over. “Dr Linster. What a surprise.” Ronnie says, moving a hand out to shake the man’s hand. “Long time no see. Who’s this?” He looks over to Alan who shuffles in his seat a little. “This is Alan, we’re actually on a date.” Ronnie says, hoping to get the man to leave them alone. “Oh hello, Dr Linster.” He holds a hand out for Alan to shake, the man looking a little hesitant. “I’ve heard about you, what a terrible thing to happen.” Linster carries on, Alan resting a foot on top of Ronnie’s foot. “We don’t really bring that up.” Ronnie tells him, looking over to the man again. “Do you know how fast the truck was going? You know you can sue?” Alan clears his throat, tapping his toes nervously. “Alan I’ll grab the bill, why don’t you go get our coats.” Ronnie prompts, downing the rest of our wine. “We’re going to get going but I’ll see you another time.” Ronnie says, Linster shakes his hand again before moving off. Once out of sight, Ronnie finds a waitress. “Could we get this to go?” He asks, dropping some money on the table, the woman nods and grabs the plate. “One moment sir.” She walks off. “Alan over here.” Ronnie lifts a hand to the startled man. “I’m here, it’s alright. Why don’t we take a walk?” Ronnie suggests. 

“Who was that guy?” Alan asks, keeping a hold of Ronnie’s hand as they were walking through the park. “It doesn’t matter, you feel a little better?” Alan moves to stop the both of them under a tree, facing Ronnie. “Do you need a break? Are you in pain?” Ronnie starts to worry, stopping when Alan shakes his head. “Just listen.” He says, squeezing the man’s hand. “I know that things have happened between us. That you’ve done some things that have not been the best.” Alan was focussing hard on his words so that he could make his point. “And well… there are sit…serv...certain people who wouldn’t fight through that to still be together.” Alan takes a breath. “I think that.” He pauses, searching for the right words. “Take a bre-.” Alan shakes his head. “I’m okay.” Alan says as he takes a breath anyway. “I don’t want you to worry about doing anything wrong. It is okay to hold my hand if you want to, to touch my shoulder. To do any of it.” Ronnie goes to open his mouth but stops. “I don’t want us to get further apart because you’re trying to play it safe. So.” Alan says, swallowing as he shuffles his feet a little, looking up to Ronnie. “Kiss me.” Ronnie looks from Alan’s lips back up to the man’s eyes. “Are you…” Alan moves closer, sliding an arm onto the man’s back. “Please.” He says, closing his eyes as he feels Ronnie’s lips on his. 


	16. Talk It Out

“Two sugars?" Alan turns, looking to Ronnie who was sitting with a newspaper on the sofa. "Just one will be okay." He says looking over to Alan who was skimming through the bit of paper before scribbling something out and changing it. "You're doing good." Ronnie says, watching him carefully as he pours the water into the mugs. There was a knock at the door, previously this would have stressed Alan out but he takes a breath, puts down the kettle and looks to the door which Ronnie opens. "Oh what a nice surprise." He says, seeing Emmett and Tyler. "Well Reily is at her theatre club so we thought we'd pop round, see how you're doing." Emmett says, helping Tyler with his coat. "Kettles hot if you want anything." Ronnie offers, kissing Alan's cheek before grabbing some mugs out of the cupboard. "I'll make these." He brushes his arm over Alan’s back as they go different ways. Alan turns the tv off, sitting down opposite the sofa where the other couple were. “It’s nice to see you so well.” Emmett breaks the silence, thanking Ronnie who brings the two mugs over to them. “It’s been an okay week.” Alan says, shuffling closer to Ronnie. “You’ve been doing good, haven’t you?” Ronnie encourages, sliding a hand around his waist and making Alan nod but stiffen slightly in his seat. 

Ronnie grabs the mugs from the coffee table looking over to Emmett. “Can you help me out?” He asks, seeing Alan stand up. “I can do it.” But Emmett shakes his head. “It’s fine.” He says, smiling at the man as he follows Ronnie into the kitchen leaving Alan and Tyler alone. There seems to be a slight relaxation that Tyler notices in Alan. “You alright?” He asks, leaning in a little. “Yeah, it’s okay.” Alan fidgets with his hands. “How do you make it go back to normal?” He says after a little while of deliberation. “After an accident?” Tyler clarifies looking to the kitchen where it seemed that Emmett and Ronnie seemed to be having their own conversation; they didn’t plan on helping both of the men but part of them hoped they’d ask. “I won’t lie to you, it is difficult. Part of you is taken away, you’re learning to live again with this difference and your partner is trying to understand what you need.” Alan nods. “And the overcompensating it just… you feel like a child or in the way. And my head, it is exhausting!” He raises his voice a little, Tyler understanding completely; he didn’t want to lie and tell Alan it was easy but he didn’t want the man to lose all of his hope. “It’s taken me… us a while to understand and accept our new life and there are still days that I struggle or Emmett wonders how things could be different. Because of course that happens we’re human.” He starts, hand moving to his prosthetic. “But uh I guess there's maybe a part of me that had gotten so used to living in the dark that I didn’t want to accept that there was light out there. Because if I started living in the light I'd realise how much time I've wasted in the dark. It is so much better in the light Alan, it’s living again.” 

Emmett follows Ronnie into the kitchen, two mugs in hand watching as the man sighs, gripping onto the counter. “Why can’t I do it? Why isn’t it normal yet?” He says, looking over to Emmett. “Hey, hey. Where is this coming from?” Emmett puts the mugs down looking over to him. “You didn’t notice what happened? The tensing and he was the one who told me to be more loving.” Ronnie sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s learning the same as you are.” Emmett tries, but Ronnie shakes his head. “He says one thing and then he acts uncomfortable when I do it.” Emmett moves to close the kitchen door. “It’s difficult, believe me I’ve been through it. In the beginning Tyler wouldn’t talk to me about anything going on his head, he was scared to and I was scared to ask but communication is important. It’s exhausting to lose something so important to you, it’s a whole new way of life; confusing and scary but you’re allowed to have emotions too.” Ronnie turns to the sink, facing away from Emmett. “It’s not about me. Last time I made it about me I hurt him. I haven’t lost anything, he’s the one who got his by a fucking truck, who was stuck in hospital for weeks on end. So no it’s not about me.” Ronnie starts washing up the mugs. “It’s about balance.” The other man says. “Even if it’s phoning someone else up for a rant if you don’t want to talk to Alan but you can’t keep it inside or you’ll lash out again.” He says as his phone goes off. “Are you going to take that?” Ronnie turns around looking up. “It’s just an alarm but yes we better go. I mean it though, anytime you want to chat.” 


	17. I Need You

“I was wondering if you wanted to try the shops again tomorrow?” Ronnie looks up to watch Alan through the door as he was brushing his teeth. “We can, both of us?” He asks once he has spat that paste out. “Yeah, we need to pick up a few bits.” Alan nods, walking over to the bed, joining his scot on the bed. “It was nice, the two of them coming round.” Alan nods, moving closer to Ronnie and connecting their hands on the man’s belly. “This okay?” Alan nods, lying his head on the shoulder. “Yeah, you pick good friends.” Ronnie smiles, moving to turn the light off. “Thank whoever made us roommates.” He yawns, turning onto his side. “Night ducklin.” He smiles gently, kissing the top of Alan’s hand before bringing them back down; the two of them starting to drift off to sleep. Ronnie wakes up to groaning coming from next to him, he shuffles to the side so that he can turn and watch Alan. “Fu- Ronnie.” He moans in a whisper, biting his tongue but still seeming asleep. “Alan?” Ronnie taps his shoulder gently, trying to wake the man up. “Alan, wake up.” Ronnie shakes his shoulder slightly, the other man opening his eyes. “Nice dream?” The scot smiles, before looking down and noticing Alan’s tented pyjama bottoms. “Do you want me to…” Ronnie starts, moving his hand downwards, Alan nods but seems conflicted, back arching as the man takes hold of him and starts moving his hand gently. 

Alan covers his face, turning away from Ronnie as he moves his hand away. “It’s okay. Lots of people struggle with…” Alan shakes his head, stopping the man mid-sentence. “I don’t want your hand. I don’t want your lips.” Ronnie swallows, sliding a hand to Alan’s shoulder, watching the man move back onto his back. “I want you.” Alan swallows looking over to Ronnie, moving a hand to the man’s waist. “Inside of me.” His eyes darted between Ronnie’s eyes than to his lips. “Do you think you’re ready?” Alan sighs, sliding his hand up and under the scot’s shirt, trailing them behind his back and feeling a tensing. “What’s the harm in trying?” Ronnie leans in to catch Alan’s lips for a few moments before bowing his head. “I don’t want to take it too far.” He whispers, hugging the man’s waist. “I don’t want to hurt you again.” He shakes his head, feeling Alan’s fingers under his chin, “Then let me take control. I want to.” He whispers, guiding his lips to Ronnie’s, moving to straddle him. “Alan.” Ronnie tries to push him away. “Trust me.” He says, sliding the man’s boxers down as he leans down to catch their lips again. They break away, Alan sitting up just enough so that he could pull down his trousers, resting a gentle hand on Ronnie’s chest. “I’m okay.” He whispers, sliding a hand to the man’s hip as he lowers down gently. 

“That’s it. You’re good.” Ronnie rests a hand on Alan’s shoulder as he focuses on his breathing. “Now look back at the list.” Alan looks down at the list in his hand before looking back up to the shelves. “This one?” He asks, reaching a hand out to grab a jar of coffee from the self. “That’s right.” Ronnie smiles, sliding a hand onto the man’s lower back and smiling gently. “Right let’s get the bread and then we can get home.” Ronnie tells him, as they walk to the next aisle. “Change and receipt. Have a nice day.” The cashier smiles watching the two men walk away. “Do you think we could watch a movie when we get back?” Alan asks, connecting their hands together. “Sure, what one were you thinking?” Ronnie opens the car, going apart so they could get in. “I don’t know, just want a quiet evening.” Alan rests his head against the seat and looks over to Ronnie. “This isn’t because of last night?” The scot looks over before starting the car. “No, last night was. It was nice.” Alan smiles but sees that the other man was still a little undecided. “I promise.” Alan slips his hand into Ronnie’s with a smile. “Did you enjoy it too?” Ronnie nods. “Yeah. It was good.” 


	18. A Quiet Night

Ronnie smiles gently as he notices that Alan had fallen asleep on him. He shifts slowly to grab the remote and turn the movie off, turning onto his back slowly to keep the man comfortable. “Ronnie.” He mutters sleepily before nuzzling into the man’s chest again. “It’s okay ducklin’. I’ve got you.” Ronnie whispers, kissing the top of his head. He looks down to watch Alan, brushing a hand through the man’s hair before he moves to grab his phone. “Hello?” He answers the phone quietly. “Bad time?” Bill asks before carrying on. “Just wanted to check up on you. Alan isn’t answering his phone.” Ronnie smiles softly, brushing a hand softly up and down the sleeping man’s back. “He’s asleep now, fell asleep during the movie.” He hears a voice in the background on Bill’s side of the call. “Is all okay with you?” Ronnie looks over to the time. “Bit late for Campbell to still be up and about.” Bill sighs, as Campbell shouts something through the line. “Do you want cartoons?” Bill asks, there was a bit of shuffling before Bill comes back to the phone. “He’s been manic all afternoon. Been a bit crazy.” Alan lifts his head, looking up at Ronnie with tired eyes. “What’s happening?” He asks sleepily. “It’s Campbell, don’t worry okay?” Alan moves so that he could hear. “Hi Bill.” Alan says, sliding a hand onto Ronnie’s chest. “Sorry to hear about Campbell.” 

“Just try to stay normal, we don’t want to set things off.” Ronnie explains as they pull into the drive. “Is he? I mean will he be okay?” Alan asks, holding onto Ronnie’s hand as they knock on the door. “He will be, worst case we’ll have to sedate him. Don’t worry it’ll be okay.” The scot brushes his thumb over Alan’s hand. “Hello, you really didn’t have to come over. I’ve got this sorted.” Bill says, he looked exhausted, scratches on his arms and clothes disheveled. “G.I Alan!” Campbell notices, running over to Alan with Sparky swinging around in his hand. “Not going to say hello to me?” Ronnie smiles, getting the boy’s attention quickly. “Ronnie.” He smiles, grabbing at his shirt. “Put my best one on just for you.” He smiles, moving the boy back into the house and getting him to sit on the floor. “Careful he’s been scratching, need to get his nails cut.” Bill tells Ronnie. “We’ll be okay won’t we?” He smiles gently, Alan looking over as Bill touches his shoulder gently. “How are you two?” Alan nods. “He’s so good with Campbell.” The pair look over to Ronnie and Campbell who were looking through some of the dvds. “We had sex.” Alan says, looking back over to Bill. “Okay. Consensual?” Alan nods. “Yeah, Ronnie was a little worried at first. Wanted me to take charge. Is that normal?” Bill looks between the two men before settling eyes on Ronnie. “I think that he doesn’t want to hurt you again so he wants you to set the boundaries.” Bill explains. “I just wish he’d be more rough.” Alan mutters, turning so that he could lean against the wall. 

“Thanks again.” Bill smiles, Campbell cuddling against his leg. “So much for a quiet night. Sorry.” Ronnie apologises connecting their hands. “It’s okay, Campbell is a sweet boy.” They break their hands apart before getting into their respective sides of the car. “How about we order some food and watch the end of that movie.” Ronnie suggests, starting the car. “I was thinking maybe.” He rests his hand on top of Ronnie’s hand and moves it to his inner thigh. “Alan are you sure?” Alan nods, sliding Ronnie’s hand up more. “Okay well let us get home first. Don’t want me to crash the car.” Ronnie chuckles but keeps his hand where it is, squeezing Alan’s thigh with a smile. “You’re my good boy, aren’t you ducklin’?” Alan smiles, a shiver running up his back as Ronnie’s hand cups him. “Is this okay?” Ronnie asks, looking over as Alan nods. “It’s good.” He whimpers, squirming in his seat. “Keep still ducklin’.” Ronnie tells him, indicating as he pulls into the drive. He slides his hand away, getting out of the car. “Come on then.” He looks over to Alan who was a whimpering mess. “Won’t make it to the bedroom I see.” He opens the car door and helps Alan up, resting a hand on the man’s bum. “I’ll have to take you on the sofa.” 

Ronnie pushes Alan down against the sofa, moving on top of him. “You okay?” He whispers against Alan’s ear, sucking on the bottom of it when he hears Alan moan a yes. “Good boy.” Ronnie growls, hands moving down to pull off the fabric that was getting in the way. “Turn around.” He whispers, helping the younger turn onto his front. “Ronnie.” Alan whimpers, reaching behind him to grab onto the scot’s leg. “Look at you, so needy and waiting for me.” The man growls, scraping his teeth down Alan’s shoulder as he enters. “Fuck.” Alan hisses, Ronnie’s hand sliding down to push a finger into his mouth. “Only bad boys swear.” Ronnie tells him, moaning as Alan starts to suck on his finger. “That’s it.” Ronnie moans, head falling against Alan’s shoulder, matching the movement on his finger with his thrusts, pulling it out and trailing the saliva covered finger over Alan’s cheek. “You like this?” Ronnie checks in, sliding the hand down his naked torso. “It’s good.” Alan says, voice hoarse, he turns his head with his mouth open. “Oh I see.” Ronnie smirks, pulling out. “Want me to punish you for that swearing.” Alan nods, mouth slack. “I don’t think once is another to punish you for.” Ronnie teases, reaching down to grab onto him. “Jesus! Ronnie, fucking good.” Alan moans, eyes fluttering closed. “Now ducklin’ what did I say? On your knees now.” Ronnie gives Alan a gentle push on the ground. 

“Swallow it.” Ronnie tells Alan, rubbing his shoulder gently. “I’m okay.” Alan says, putting the bottle of water down as he lies back into Ronnie’s arm. “And that was okay? I didn’t go too far?” The scot asks, looking down at the younger. “I’m fine. Everything you did was what I wanted.” Alan looks up, smiling as Ronnie leans down to kiss him. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Ronnie smiles, moving to grab the remote. “Is it too late now to finish the movie?” He asks, flicking to Netflix. “I don’t think it is but I might fall asleep.” Alan chuckles, pulling Ronnie’s arm more around him. “You’re comfy.” He sighs happily, resting his head against the scot’s chest and starting to watch it. 


	19. Interesting

“Morning.” Alan smiles, looking over to Ronnie as he wakes up. “Are you doing okay after last night?” Ronnie asks, brushing a hand down the man’s back. “Little sore, but I’m okay. I enjoyed it.” Alan smiles, shuffling to move closer to Ronnie’s arms. “That’s good ducklin’.” The scot says, kissing the man’s head. “I enjoyed it too.” Alan smiles against the man’s collarbone. “Tired now.” Ronnie hums, brushing his hands down the man’s hair. “That’s okay. Did you want to jump in the shower?” Alan nods, stretching his arms over his head. “I’ll get it running.” Ronnie moves out of the bed, stripping off his shirt and boxers on his way to the bathroom. “Nice view.” Alan smirks, sitting himself up to check his phone. “You can have more than just the view if you get out of bed.” The scot chuckles, turning the shower on. Alan sighs, getting out of bed, following the man into the bathroom but being stopped at the door. “This is a no clothes zone.” Ronnie jokes, kissing the man. “How could I forget.” Alan starts to strip off, being pulled into the room by Ronnie as his shirt is discarded on the floor. “Try not to again hmm?” Ronnie smirks, connecting their lips. Alan nods, gasping as the scot pushes them both under the water. “I’m glad we are back.” Ronnie smiles, running his hands down Alan’s back and to rest on his bum. “Me too.” He smiles, connecting their lips, water running over them. 

“You’ve got an appointment today right?” Ronnie asks as he watches Alan get dressed. “Yeah, physio.” He says, pulling on his jeans. “I thought you were discharged?” Ronnie moves up behind him, grabbing the man’s waist and pulling him closer. “It’s the meeting today.” He turns to look at the scot. “Good because that man is a flirt.” He teases, sliding a hand under his shirt. “I’ve just gotten dressed.” Alan turns in Ronnie’s arms. “And you can’t say anything about not flirting with patients.” Ronnie chuckles, sliding a hand to the man’s chin. “But if I didn’t flirt with you… I wouldn’t be able to wake up next to a handsome man every morning.” Alan smirks, pecking the man’s lips. “And I would never have met the most interesting man there is around.” Ronnie swallows. “Interesting is a very interesting word.” He says, lips grazing over the Alan’s. “Breakfast?” Ronnie smiles at the suggestion. “Sounds good.” He bites the man’s lip, pulling away and grabbing his phone. “I’ll make pancakes.” Alan stands there, watching Ronnie walk off with a smile. “Such a tease.” He smirks, pulling his phone out of his pocket as it rang. “Hello?” He says, smiling as he notices the voice. “Emmett, how are you?” His voice perks up. “I’m good, Riley misses her uncle though.” Alan swallows. “Yeah, I should see her more.” He hears a small voice, the phone being passed over. “Uncle Alan. You owe me ice cream at the beach.” Alan chuckles. “Oh do I?” He says. “Yep because I said so.” Riley says down the line. 

Ronnie looks at the bit of paper. “Discharged?” He asks, looking over to Alan who nods. “Discharged with advised exercises.” He turns the bit of paper over in Ronnie’s hand. “Well we can work on those. Like this one, that’s meant to be holding a mug right?” Ronnie leans over with a nod. “And this one looks like something else we like to do.” He smirks, kissing the scot’s face. “You wanna try it now?” Alan smirks, Ronnie looking behind him to the time. “I booked a table, remember?” He looks down to watch Alan’s hand. “I can be quick.” Alan palms the man’s jeans. “I think.” Ronnie lean’s in, kissing the bottom of Alan’s ear. “We should wait till after. Don’t want to rush something good hm?” Alan nods, moving his arm away. “Riley called… well Emmett. She misses me and.” He pauses, connecting their hands. “She wants to meet the famous uncle Ronnie everyone keeps talking about.” Ronnie shakes his head. “What have you been telling her? I’m not that famous.” Alan brushes a hand to the man’s hair. “Not that type of famous. Fortunately, Riley has been told only good things.” 


End file.
